sail away

(no subject)

I'm on the plane out here, and I open my computer and I start reading these emails that I sent her, like 30 or more maybe, over the course of our relationship. And not just short messages, I'm talking about long, involved love letters. Like, desperately trying to be romantic and poetic, whatever and embarassing as it is, it's also like, kind of the best stuff I've ever written. Because it's got this naive idealism thing going on where ours is going to be one of the greatest love stories ever told, and I'm writing it. So I'm sitting there and I'm reading these emails and there's some turbulance, and I start to have this massive panic attack, like nothing I've ever had, and I think it's happening because I can never imagine feeling that way about anybody else, ever again.

i broke my ring.

the ring i've had for years, and one day i accidently put it on backwards, so that it looked like i was in love, and when i realized it was that way,
i didn't change it.
i said, maybe it's time to love myself for a while,
and this ring pointing to me
will be my protection.

that ring i put on the right way one day and i met my
best friend
because i felt like i needed an adventure
and now we've got big plans for southern heat and new endland winters
and plans for the whole world.
and talk about looking for an adventure,
because i found planets and starfish
and i became a mermaid
and i have an invisible horse named nelly
and a little kid calls me bapi and
there are so many things that ring
watched me grow into and out of.

this ring i wore when i held hands with that boy and said, 'i love you'
and that was the biggest mistake i've ever made,
but it all happened so fast and
before i knew it i was laying next to him trying not to cry,
because he had a headache
and my virginity.
but that ring was pointed out,
that ring that said,
take what you want,
my body,
make me cry crocodille tears,
but i don't love you.
we don't fit and i will never be yours,
so don't ask why
when i leave you three days later.
because i will never connect you and shooting stars.
i will never think of you when i play
any song.
i threw the cd you made me
out the window
and the cd i listened to that night
went sailing too.
that ring.

i wonder where i got the idea that a piece of metal shaped like hands holding a heart
would make me so strong.
but it's broken now, and i'm feeling pretty lonely.
--comfylove (thosegypsies)